One Year

One year ago today I woke up to news that no one ever dreams of hearing.

JaKelle had passed away.

I laid in bed for the next 20 or so minutes, just thinking.  

Trying so hard to wrap my mind around what my parents had just said.

As I lay there, I began to become angry.

I was angry at everything, and everyone.

I was so frustrated that the Lord would take away such a loved girl, at such a young age.

I thought, 

What, were our prayers and fasting not enough?

Was our faith not strong enough?

 

 Were our fundraisers, and our showing of support not enough?

 

 

I mean, we had done everything.

And then, the reality of it hit, and I was just overwhelmingly sad.  But, just as quickly as I had become angry, and resentful towards my Heavenly Father, I felt His love come over me.  It was unlike any experience I had ever had. It felt as if I was being hugged.  All of my doubts, and my frustrations disappeared in that instant.  At that moment, I KNEW. I knew that JaKelle was with her Heavenly Father.  I knew that she was free from pain.  I knew that our fasting, our prayers, our support, our faith, everything we had done for her, had helped to prolong her life, and helped each of us to become more like her, and more like our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Now, I don't profess to be JaKelle's best friend, 

in fact, we hardly talked in high school, which I regret.

But anyone who has ever met JaKelle can agree with me when I say that she just had a way.  

A way of making everyone feel special.  

A way of making everyone feel wanted, and loved.  A way of making you feel as if you were the only one in the world who needed her help or attention at that point in time.  She just had a way.  I don't really know how else to explain it.

All that I have, are the memories of the good old days with Jakelle.

The days that we played dress up for hours.

The days that we swam for hours.

The days that we just spent hours together.

  

The days that we did Little Bunnies together.

  And those, those are the memories that I will cherish forever!

This year has been such an amazing learning experience for me. 

Each morning I wake up to this reminder from a beautiful angel:

 Every time that I look at it, it gives me that little boost that I need to make it.

If I have learned one thing from this year, it is, without a doubt, to make every moment count.

Time is constantly moving forward.  

We can't change or relive the past.

We can't make choices for other people.

Things don't always go the way that we planned.

You may try your hardest, and fail.

Sometimes, you lose. You lose friends. You lose family. 

But, there is always gain.

There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

 Christ atoned for each of us. 

He knows our pains. All of them.

He can heal us if we turn to Him, and have faith in Him.

There is a plan, and because of that, and the atonement,

 we will be able to see all of our loved ones again some day.

Some might argue, if He can heal everything, why didn't he heal JaKelle? 

I think that this quote says it beautifully.

" If healing does not come in mortal life, it will come thereafter.  Just as the gorgeous monarch butterfly emerges from a chrysalis, so will spirits emerge."

One year ago, Heaven gained a beautiful angel, and each of us gained a guardian angel.

She is missed. Every day. By so many people.

But today, we are all one year closer to getting to see her smiling face again.

I am thankful every day for the legacy that she left with each of us. 

And for the two, now famous words,

"Stay Strong"