Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Gettin' Real.

Okay. It's time to be real.
 
Blogger, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter. You name it. Anything social media.
 
We are on them. A lot.
(In denial? Think you're the exception? Well guess what? You're reading a blog. Right now.)
 
We spend hours stalking other people's lives.
Dreaming of having them.
Planning ridiculously extravagant weddings, outfits, crafts, meals, and homes to live in.
All things that we'll never end up having.
(And by we, I mean, me...and I just hope I'm not the only one.)
 
Anyway, like I said, I'm a stalker.
I admit it.
And, I like to think that I'm pretty dang good at it.
Facebook stalking may, or may not be one of my favorite pastimes.
(you can ask Hanna and Sarah about that...)
 
Well. Stalking leads to something.
The same thing.
EVERY SINGLE TIME.
You'd think I'd learn?
Yeah, nope.
I guess I have a hard head.
 
You're probably wondering,
 "what is this crazy woman talking about?!"
Well, I'll let you in on my craziness.
It boils down to one word
One TEN LETTER word.
 
 
 
We are all guilty of it.
It is inevitable.
It starts at a young age.
Who is tallest?
Who is the skinniest?
Who is the most tan?
Who has the best nails?
Who has their hair done the cutest?
Who has the best clothes?
Cutest backpack?
Cutest folders?
 Best pencils?
(Maybe those last few are just me, but I always looked at the simple stupid things like folders and pencils. I come from a frugal family--the best kind. Sale items were, and still are, our favorite.)
 
As I've gotten older, the comparisons haven't changed too much.
But more have been added on.
 
Who has the best lap top?
The best phone?
The cutest phone case?
Who has the cutest room décor?
The cutest handwriting?
The most friends on FB, or followers on Blogger, Insta or Twitter?
Who cooks the best?
Eats the least?
Exercises the  most?
Has the best body?
Who sings the prettiest?
Who is the most popular?
Who does that super cute boy decide to sit next to in class?
(Never me. Usually it's by some other insanely attractive males.)
Who takes the best pictures?
The MOST pictures?
Who gets the most likes on their posts?
Whose posts does that super cute boy decide to like?
Who has the cutest boyfriend?
Who has the best love story?
The prettiest engagement ring?
 
The list goes on and on.
 
But here is the problem.
We are constantly comparing things that we see as our weaknesses,
 to things we see as others strengths. 
Things that we feel we lack,
to things we think others have.
Or vice-versa.
 
We view other people's lives as perfect, and our own as mediocre at best.
 
And the online world doesn't help us with that!
We see the best and brightest spots of everyone's lives.
I mean, who would find the ugliest picture they have of themselves, and post it?
Not me.
Who posts about their failed attempt at making a new craft, food, or decoration?
Not me.
In short:
Who posts about their weaknesses, shortcomings, or failures?
NOT ME.
 
And why not?
The answer is simple;
Because that is not what other people want to read.
And our society has become all about pleasing other people.
 
I'm not trying to say that everyone should post ugly pictures, and only about their failures.
Honestly, I'm one of the "other people" that wouldn't waste my time reading those.
I'm not trying to say we should stop stalking other people,
I know I won't stop anytime soon.
 
What I AM trying to say is that we have created a false sense of reality for ourselves.
We hold ourselves to a standard we have made for ourselves,
based on someone else's life.
We try and become someone we're not, so that we can be "accepted".
But, here's my question,
By who?
By that little old lady in China who comes across your blog, and will NEVER meet you?
(no offense to little old ladies in China.)
By the flock of other women who are also attempting to make their lives into something they're not?
By a man, who is almost positively not going to read your blog?
(shout out to any men who are actually reading this.)
 
Why does it matter how many friends/followers you have online?
Or how many of them like your post?
Why is technology SO important?
Why do we let those things boost or ruin our self-esteem?
 
I've been asking myself these questions lately.
And I don't have answers to all of them.
And I don't know how to make them NOT be of such great importance to me.
It is hard!
 
But let me share one thing I HAVE learned, just real quick:
There is no such thing as a perfect life!
 
From here on, I am on a journey.
A journey to stop searching for a perfect life.
A journey to stop comparing myself to others.
A journey to become comfortable and confident with the woman I am.
No matter who social media deems me to be.
And it is going to be a process.
Step by step.
One thing at a time.
But, I know I can do it.
And why? Because I know I have someone to help me every step of the way.
I KNOW that I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father.
And I KNOW that I was created by His hands, and in His image.
And I KNOW that He loves me, for who I am.
Even my red hair.
Even my millions (or billions, or trillions) of freckles.
Even my big thighs.
Even my lack of height.
Even all of those "blemishes" that bother me. 
And I KNOW that He wants me to be happy.
 With the person that I am,
and with the life that I have been blessed with.
 
My "journey" has begun.
Care to join me?

Friday, June 14, 2013

Today is a Gift

Today was a great day.
Why you may ask?
 
Nothing life changing happened.
I didn't get a million dollars.
I didn't meet the man of my dreams.
I didn't overcome the predicament of wanting to eat as much as I want,
and never gain weight.
 
 
In fact, today, I:
 
Sat in an office for 9 hours.
Answered phone calls.
Annoyed a lot of Hispanic people with my lack of ability to sprechen their language...woops.
Filed papers.
Wrote demands.
Sent faxes. And letters. And more faxes. And more letters.
Walked in the 110 degree heat.
Missed a conference call with one of my dear friends to hear her open her mission call.
 
BUT, today, I also:
 
Woke up.
Got out of bed, did my hair, put in my contacts, AND put on make-up.
{those last two things do not happen very often, in case you were wondering}
Got to go to work, in an air conditioned truck.
Ate a cookie at 9 am, just because I wanted to.
Ate another one, or two, or three......for the same reason.
Got to go out to Café Zupas with my dad, and a few other co-workers for lunch.
Got free lunch. :) Thanks Fabio.
Laughed.
Got an email from one of my favorite missionaries.
Responded to another missionary letter--in COMPLETE Spanish.
{Thank you Google Translate}
Pretended to understand español.
{fake it til you make it, right?}
Ate dinner with my parents, and little brother, and an awesome family friend, Lindsay.
Celebrated Flag Day by going around the neighborhood and collecting the flags.
Watched The Lion King with Parker man and Lindsay.
{And sang along, because, what is a Disney movie without singing along?}
Get to go to bed happy, and healthy, in a beautiful home.
{That I don't have to pay for! SCORE.}
 
So, although I am still figuring some things out;
and even though today wasn't life changing;
Today, I was blessed with another day to live.
Today, I was reminded of something that I repeated every single day,
 my senior year of High School
with that amazing man, Mr. Mike Baser.
"I am a MIRACLE, and I can do ANYTHING!"
 
It's a great day to be alive!
 
What are YOU thankful for today?
 


Wednesday, June 5, 2013

One Year

One year ago today I woke up to news that no one ever dreams of hearing.
JaKelle had passed away.

I laid in bed for the next 20 or so minutes, just thinking.  
Trying so hard to wrap my mind around what my parents had just said.

As I lay there, I began to become angry.
I was angry at everything, and everyone.
I was so frustrated that the Lord would take away such a loved girl, at such a young age.
I thought, 
What, were our prayers and fasting not enough?
Was our faith not strong enough?
 
 Were our fundraisers, and our showing of support not enough?
 
 
I mean, we had done everything.

And then, the reality of it hit, and I was just overwhelmingly sad.  But, just as quickly as I had become angry, and resentful towards my Heavenly Father, I felt His love come over me.  It was unlike any experience I had ever had. It felt as if I was being hugged.  All of my doubts, and my frustrations disappeared in that instant.  At that moment, I KNEW. I knew that JaKelle was with her Heavenly Father.  I knew that she was free from pain.  I knew that our fasting, our prayers, our support, our faith, everything we had done for her, had helped to prolong her life, and helped each of us to become more like her, and more like our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Now, I don't profess to be JaKelle's best friend, 
in fact, we hardly talked in high school, which I regret.
But anyone who has ever met JaKelle can agree with me when I say that she just had a way.  
A way of making everyone feel special.  
A way of making everyone feel wanted, and loved.  A way of making you feel as if you were the only one in the world who needed her help or attention at that point in time.  She just had a way.  I don't really know how else to explain it.

All that I have, are the memories of the good old days with Jakelle.
The days that we played dress up for hours.
The days that we swam for hours.
The days that we just spent hours together.
  
The days that we did Little Bunnies together.

  And those, those are the memories that I will cherish forever!

This year has been such an amazing learning experience for me. 
Each morning I wake up to this reminder from a beautiful angel:
 Every time that I look at it, it gives me that little boost that I need to make it.

If I have learned one thing from this year, it is, without a doubt, to make every moment count.

Time is constantly moving forward.  
We can't change or relive the past.
We can't make choices for other people.
Things don't always go the way that we planned.
You may try your hardest, and fail.
Sometimes, you lose. You lose friends. You lose family. 
But, there is always gain.
There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
 Christ atoned for each of us. 
He knows our pains. All of them.
He can heal us if we turn to Him, and have faith in Him.
There is a plan, and because of that, and the atonement,
 we will be able to see all of our loved ones again some day.

Some might argue, if He can heal everything, why didn't he heal JaKelle? 
I think that this quote says it beautifully.

" If healing does not come in mortal life, it will come thereafter.  Just as the gorgeous monarch butterfly emerges from a chrysalis, so will spirits emerge."
One year ago, Heaven gained a beautiful angel, and each of us gained a guardian angel.
She is missed. Every day. By so many people.
But today, we are all one year closer to getting to see her smiling face again.
I am thankful every day for the legacy that she left with each of us. 
And for the two, now famous words,
"Stay Strong"